What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
