Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
