Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
