hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
