You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
