Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
