my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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