I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
smell my finger.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
