xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
