I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
