i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
