I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
