she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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