You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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