I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
