The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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