I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
