After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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