I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
