apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I touched a dick in church today
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