Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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