I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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