yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
