Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
