I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
