so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
