Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
