I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
