you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
