Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
