Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
