I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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