We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
