I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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