please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
