Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
