she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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