It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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