I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
