Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
