real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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