Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
