There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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