This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
