I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
