I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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