every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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