I want to make a zoo with you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize