Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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