reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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