I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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