I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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