I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
a search helicopter?!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize