I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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