So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it glows. i had to have it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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