the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
