good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
