You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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