im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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