he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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