I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
