I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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