in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
