a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
