JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
