Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
