genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize