Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
