I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there is puke in my bra ... again
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