margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
