You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
