and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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