This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
