My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
