but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
