I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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