I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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