I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
