A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
