If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
