if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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