Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
