Cold hands, warm shart.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
