sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
