If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You pole danced in your parka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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