her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I touched a dick in church today
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