with your own penis?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
