Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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