I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
