I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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