You smell like stripper and shame
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
