you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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