Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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