Where is the hickey?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
