I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
