Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
