Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In America we eat man semen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
