i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
