she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
