It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
