He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
