guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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