What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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