I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
