walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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