When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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