two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
