i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The Olympian is in my bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
