i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Welp...herpes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
