i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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