My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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