I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
