oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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