I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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