When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
